Tag Archives: Joseph Tomaras

“The Libidinal Economy of the Suburbs” – Fiction by Joseph Tomaras

Smiling Blonde - Marjorie Strider
Smiling Blonde – Marjorie Strider

“Things said and unsaid that cannot be unheard” make up “The Libidinal Economy of the Suburbs,” Joseph Tomaras‘ flash fiction from our Spring 2016 issue.

{ X }

YOU HAVE TO FLUSH THREE TIMES to send all your excreta to the town café’s septic system. It was the kind that is pleasurable but leaves you feeling a bit dirty afterwards, no matter how vigorously you wipe. You wash your hands and leave the bathroom, book in hand, three-quarters of your second mug of coffee gone lukewarm on the table.

She, overtanned with sun-brightened hair in the manner of white American women of the middle classes, says as you sit, “Have I seen you before?”

“It’s possible,” you reply from your Saturday morning stubble, your hair uncombed and two months overdue for a cut, in your faded jeans and the blue, buttoned-down shirt whose threadbare state is visible only at close range.

“No, I mean, here, today, earlier this morning. Have you been here a long time?”

“What time is it?” You ask honestly. You wear no watch and left your phone at home.

She flashes her tennis-braceleted left wrist and says “A quarter past a freckle,” chuckles, then looks at the iPhone in her right hand and says, “No, really, 10:32.”

“About an hour, then.”

“You said something to me on the line.” You never speak to people on the line. “I stopped in here after I dropped my son off at soccer, and you were with a group of people.”

“You must have me confused with someone else.”

“Actually I’m just trying to pick you up.” Her sons, five-to-eight years older than your kids, roll their eyes at one another as you steal a glimpse at her breasts, five-to-eight years lower than your wife’s. “No, I’m just driving my kids crazy.” By which she means:

“Really I am trying to pick you up but with my sons here I have no idea how to make that happen and you don’t seem interested and this is embarrassing, abject really, please help me out.”

Continue reading “The Libidinal Economy of the Suburbs” – Fiction by Joseph Tomaras

Advertisements

Digital (PDF) Copies of FLAPPERHOUSE #9 Now Available for Pre-Order

Monstrous immortality, reincarnation, eternal recurrence, never-ending gender, virtual sex, multiple organisms, reclusive regiments: FLAPPERHOUSE #9.

coming
MARCH 20, 2016

Pre-order a DIGITAL (PDF) copy for $3US and watch it fly into your emailbox
by the Vernal Equinox!
btn_buynowCC_LG

#9
#9

starring – J. BradleyLeona GodinRob Hartzellj/j hastainStephen Langlois,
William LessardSarah LiliusEmily LinstromCatfish McDarisLauren Milici,
Sarah Frances MoranAhimaaz RajeshChristina M. RauNickalus Rupert,
Joseph Tomaras, and Innas Tsuroiya

FLAPPERHOUSE : Year One

Coming soon in soft, pulpy paperback.
Stay tuned…FY1F&BCs

 

“Cold Duck” – Fiction by Joseph Tomaras

 carverFor decades now, hundreds of short fiction writers have been regurgitating the esteemed Raymond Carver– but as far as we know, none of those writers has dared to do so the way Joseph Tomaras does in his story “Cold Duck,” from our Fall 2014 issue.

{ X }

– THIS ONE TIME, I WAS SO DRUNK…

– How drunk were you?

– I was getting to it. I was so drunk, the next morning I vomited up Raymond Carver.

– As in just one story, what we talk about when we talk about whatever, or the whole fucking Collected Works?

– No, not his stories or writings or whatever. I vomited up Raymond Carver.

– How the hell? He’s been dead for 25 years.

– How the fuck should I know? I was that fucking drunk. He was totally alive when he came out of my mouth.

– Was it, like, a tiny Raymond Carver, like that tiny Elvis character they used to have on SNL?

– Fuck, no, I wish. Full size.

– How the hell did he get out of you? How the hell did he get into you?

– I already told you, I have no fucking idea. It was just one of those nights. I didn’t really get any sleep, and when the sun was rising, I could tell I was going to yak. Couldn’t even get to the toilet, just had enough in me to roll onto my side and face the edge of the bed so I wouldn’t choke on whatever the hell was surging out of me. You know when you’re really vomiting so hard that you have to keep your eyes shut the whole time, and it feels like you’re giving birth out your mouth like, fucking, fucking, uh, Kronos vomiting up his kids, the Olympian gods, that’s what it was like, so I didn’t see what it looked like when he was coming out. It did kind of feel like I was getting jabbed with fingers, elbows and knees from the inside, though.

– Did you at least get any decent writing advice? Continue reading “Cold Duck” – Fiction by Joseph Tomaras

Outside the Flapperhouse – 11.12.2014

These past few weeks, our Flappers have been killing it all over the web with their literary weaponry: 

Natalia Theodoridou’s fantastic short story “The Eleven Holy Numbers of the Mechanical Soul” was posted at Clarkesworld.

Nerve published J.E. Reich’s autobiographical essay “I Filmed a Sex Scene Before the Reddit Era.”

Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam’s poem “Kites” appeared in the “Summer Is Dead” issue of Goblin Fruit.

Joseph Tomaras spoke with Nick Mamatas about Joseph’s story “Thirty-Eight Observations on the Nature of the Self,” which is featured in the Phantasm Japan anthology.

Jeff Laughlin mused about sports on the radio for Triad City Beat.

Rebecca Ann Jordan spooked readers with her horror story “Collection” at Fiction Vortex.

Gigantic Sequins added Emily O’Neill’s poem “de Los Muertos” to their online archives.

Julie C. Day’s story “Ghost Bubbles” popped up at Bartleby Snopes.

J. Bradley recorded a reading of “A Love Poem as Written by Robert Rodriguez,” included in the first issue of  Profane.

Outside the Flapperhouse – 9.13.2014

Holy Smoke! Our Flappers have been mighty prolific outside the Flapperhouse these past few weeks…

Joseph Tomaras’ sci-fi surveillance state story “Bonfires in Anacostia” appeared in the August issue of Clarkesworld. 

Natalia Theodoridou has had a couple short stories published recently:“Wayward Sons” in Lakeside Circus and “That Tear Problem” at Kasma.

At Split Rock Review, Emily O’Neill has a poem partly inspired by the fantastic show Supernatural titled “Disguises for the Waxing Moon.”

Todd Pate blogged about his new gig with the North Dakota Museum of Art at El Jamberoo.

Aoibheann McCann’s “Premium Line” ran in issue 2 of The Incubator.

The cannibal-themed anthology edited by Dusty Wallace, “People Eating People,” is now for sale.

Mila Jaroniec’s “Desperate Strangers” was posted at Luna Luna. 

Rebecca Ann Jordan’s “Gospel Of” was published in Infinite Science Fiction One.

Jeff Laughlin wrote on the loneliness of tennis in covering the Winston-Salem Open for Triad City Beat.

J.E. Reich wrote about how “We Never Notice Our Own Addictions” over at Medium.

Tom Stephan posted a sort of psychic detective tale, “Never Anything Useful,” on Jux.com.

Diana Clarke reviewed the documentary Kabbalah Me for the The Village Voice.

Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam’s “Tea With the Titans” appeared on NewMyths.com.

FLAPPERHOUSE #3 Now On Sale!

Our Fall 2014 issue is so wonderfully bizarre & freakishly beautiful it’ll make your cheeks quiver & explode. It begins with an Alternate Reality Game, ends with a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure, and in between there’s pink slime, raving gods, naked alligator rides, regurgitated Raymond Carver, a bunch more fiction that’s too bizarre to summarize here, and some phenomenal poetry. 

FLAPPERHOUSE #3 is no longer available for sale in digital (PDF) format
because it’s NOW AVAILABLE FOR FREE right here!

Just click the cover to enjoy…

FLAPPERHOUSE#3Cover

including

“Human Child” – Brendan Byrne
“Blood Ties”Diana Clarke
“Map of the Twentieth Century”Samantha Duncan
“We Dream of Our Dead Pets”Carl Fuerst
“Friday Night, Saturday Morning”M.N. Hanson
“I Climb Down the Tree One-Handed and in Another Life,”
“Piney and Buoyant We Wave, Consecrate,”
“Ode to Joy,”
“Painstaking,” and
“This is the Shaky Phase”–  Jessie Janeshek
“Chicken Sandwich”Rebecca Ann Jordan
“Meeting”Jeff Laughlin
“Buried Treasure”Ashley Lister
“ARG”Anthony Michael Morena
“reflect / refract,”
“Pentacost,”
“them bones,”
“Year of the Horse,”
and “Street Music”Emily O’Neill
“Laundromat”Smith Smith
“The Hole”Samantha Eliot Stier
“We Call Her Mama”Natalia Theodoridou
“Cold Duck” – Joseph Tomaras
“Just Another Evening”Dusty Wallace