Beyond-the-Grave Buzz for FLAPPERHOUSE #11!

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Some of literature’s deadest legends are buzzing about FLAPPERHOUSE #11!

“We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one…Flappiness, on the other hand, is quite easy to find: it flies off every page of FLAPPERHOUSE #11 with graceful ferocity!”Voltaire

“The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go…
thank goodness I have my copy
of FLAPPERHOUSE #11
to keep me warm and lucid
and restore my faith in heaven!”
Emily Brontë

“I was so sick last night I
Didn’t hardly know my mind.
So sick last night I
Didn’t know my mind.
I drunk some bad licker that
Almost made me blind.
Then I read FLAPPERHOUSE #11
and I still don’t know my mind
but now FLAPPERHOUSE #11 knows my mind
and all the weird stuff that goes on in there
and now my mind & FLAPPERHOUSE #11 are best friends!”
Langston Hughes


NOW AVAILABLE in PRINT & PDF!
PRINT copies available for $6US thru Amazon

click HERE to order a digital (PDF)copy
for $3US
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PLEASE NOTE: Unfortunately we are currently unable to email PDFs immediately upon order. Delivery of your PDF may take anywhere from several seconds to several hours, but rest assured, we will complete your purchase as soon as humanly possible.
We apologize profusely for any inconvenience or delayed gratification.

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FLAPPERHOUSE Reading #10, in Pictures

A thousand gabba-gabba-heys to everyone who helped make Reading #10 bop like a rock n’ roll high school: Cooper, Nancy, Adam, Ilana, Emily, Armando, Monica, and Stu for performing your flappy lits; Alibi for your stellar singing & striking photography;  Pacific Standard for being as cool a venue as CBGB (but much cleaner, of course); and all you punk rockers who came out to be part of our happy family; we’ll do this again on October 26 with our 1st-ever Halloween-time scary story celebration…  

(photos by Alibi Jones)

img_4077Cooper Wilhelm takes us into the dark with some brand-new poetry

img_4085Nancy Hightower reads “Charlotte,” her twisted take on Charlotte’s Web from FLAPPERHOUSE #11  Continue reading FLAPPERHOUSE Reading #10, in Pictures

Our 2016 Best of the Net Nominees Are…

The Skating Minister - Henry Raeburn, 1784
The Skating Minister – Henry Raeburn, 1784

Our nominations for the 2016 Best of the Net anthology, which honors literary work that originally appeared on the internet between 7/1/2015 & 6/30/2016, are:

“CREATURE  FEATURE : CALIGYNACHTMARE : DREAD  the  BEAUTY” – poetry by Shannon  Moore  Shepherd

“CHAPEL  of  SACRED  MIRRORS” – poetry  by  Joanna  C.  Valente

“The  WITCH  THESE  DAYS” – poetry  by  E. H.  Brogan

“HOW  to  be  a  SMALL  PRESS  SUCCESS” – poetry  by  Catfish  McDaris

“HELPFUL  NOTES  REGARDING  YOUR PURCHASE” – short  fiction  by  Brandon  Barrett

Congratulations & best of luck to all our nominees, as well as our eternal gratitude for contributing their amazing work to our weird little zine.

“artemis” – Poetry by Monica Lewis

The Lovers Whirlwind - William Blake, 1827
The Lovers Whirlwind – William Blake, 1827

For another taste of our Fall 2016 issue before it flies on 9/22, here’s “artemis,” one of five sizzling poems in the issue written by the incomparable Monica Lewis. To read all five– plus poetry & prose by 15 more of the planet’s flappiest writers– you can buy a digital (PDF) copy of FLAPPERHOUSE #11 for $3US, or a paper copy for $6US.

(And if you’ll be in the NYC area on Wednesday 9/21, you can hear Monica perform her work– along with seven other stellar writers– at our 10th Reading at Brooklyn’s Pacific Standard!)

{ X }

I KNOW THAT I WAS NOT MEANT TO HAVE YOUR TWINS,
theo and felicity, perfectly, preciously named, because we
would have conceived a tornado: artemis and she would have broken me into
postpartum and I’d have given her a life-long restlessness. I love you
still, and our daughter would have had your sea glass eyes and my wind-twisted,
night flight of curls, skin the color of brown feathered birds, and in her wake, always,
the scent of caribbean salt—but most certainly, a mouth unhinged—sharp & wise & legs always set to go and a hand unrelenting toward any necessary slay – yes we’d have created a warrior in flesh, alit & strong, but instead, I will birth her into words. and she will  outlive our love, our could have, should have never been love. our love that would have quaked
a goddess to earth – one incapable of ever splitting herself into two.

{ X } Continue reading “artemis” – Poetry by Monica Lewis

FLAPPERHOUSE Reading #10 / Issue 11 Flight Party

FHReading10PosterWe’re gonna bop like the Ramones & bang like Blondie & twitch like Talking Heads to celebrate the flight of our Fall 2016 issue, FLAPPERHOUSE #11— our New Yorkiest issue yet! It’ll be on WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21st from 7 – 9 PM at Brooklyn’s Pacific Standard. Starring NANCY HIGHTOWER, ARMANDO JARAMILLO GARCIA, ALIBI JONES, MONICA LEWIS, ILANA MASAD, ADAM TEDESCO, STU WATSON, COOPER WILHELM, and the late EMILY DICKINSON.

Admission is FREE, and you can buy print copies of FH11 for the special reading price of $5!

(And here’s the Facebook event page.)

Join Us in a Victory Job!

victory_jobWe’re looking for a few good people to join our team! We have all kinds of  volunteer positions available for filling– (though perhaps if you could help us make more money, maybe we can work out some kind of commission-based arrangement? Let us know & we’ll talk…)

Can you help us get more publicity— reviews, interviews, & other media-coverage? Can you help us in marketing— increasing our web traffic & subscription base through low-low-cost advertising? Would you care to join our exclusive editorial team— reading & offering feedback on slush-pile submissions, or interviewing super-cool writers for our website? Or maybe you have the skills to fill some awesomely unique position that we never could have imagined before, but once you mention it, we couldn’t imagine FLAPPERHOUSE living without? Email us at FLAPPERHOUSE at gmail dot com to tell us how you’d like to contribute to the team, and we’ll be in touch…  

“The Discreet Charm of the Oligarchy” – Poetry by Claudia Zander

detail from The Garden of Earthly Delights - Hieronynous Bosch, circa 1515
detail from The Garden of Earthly Delights – Hieronymus Bosch, circa 1515

Should you care for an early taste of our Fall 2016 issue, please enjoy Claudia Zander‘s “The Discreet Charm of the Oligarchy.”

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STOP! THIEVES! THEY’RE PLAGIARIZING MY BOILERPLATES!
Come back with my clichés, those’re priceless family heirlooms…

Oh, no point in scolding the shameless, correcting the oblivious.
Like serenading the comatose, waterproofing the Hindenburg.

Did you hear they’re gentrifying the labyrinth? Even the Minotaur
can’t afford it anymore. At least they’ve diversified the donnybrook.

You can see one of my many-times-great grandmas photo-bombing
The Garden of Earthly Delights…on the far right, near the rabbit.
Though I guess you’d call it “painting-bombing.” Hell is on the
right side of the picture. The viewer’s right. The damned’s left.

Please, don’t get me started on all those dingbats spooning
the Bill of Rights. Booby-trapping the English lexicon, they are!
And traumatizing the astronauts, keeping us too scared to stray
too far from Earth. Oh, and could you please forward me those
CliffsNotes for Steal This Book?

I can’t believe they’re re-booting The Clash—fucking auto-tuning
the revolution! I mean, whatever “the revolution” means anymore.
The revolution will not be _____________. The revolution will not be.

I heard they had to start pixelating the food-porn in Santa Claus’s
Instagram. Kids were begging their parents to buy them expensive
& sexy food all year round. Wouldn’t it be cool if Elvis’d been alive
for Instagram? But when did he die again? Like 2009, right?

Of course they’re gonna weaponize the pacifists. Who else’s gonna?
Either way, once they monetize that eschaton, boy: watch out!

You mean the new show about the Marquis de Sade? Yeah I didn’t
think I’d get sucked in, but now I can’t stop hate-watching.

My hot-take is, there are some gargantuan plot holes in the story
of human evolution. Also, 78% of traffic jams are orchestrated
by Mongolian hackers. I think I should patent a guillotine
that uses lasers, but I have a hunch someone must’ve already.

I tell you, Philistines are a gaping wound, and we gotta
cauterize at all costs. Quarantines don’t need spoiler warnings,
they need all the info they can get. That’s why I’m constantly
subtweeting the Illuminati in all these self-published magazines.

There, you see? I’m utterly lost without my boilerplates! Those
clichés were irreplaceable! Here’s hoping these spare pieces
of small-talk my chauffeur found in the trunk of my limo
will suffice until the election.

{ X }

CLAUDIA ZANDER is a lighthouse keeper living in Long Island Sound, and the poetry editor of FLAPPERHOUSE. Tweets @LaudedCzarina.