Tag Archives: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST

Tonight on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST – 1.8.2015

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GRRM
Special Guest Judge George R.R. Martin

The competition is heating up on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST, as we’re now down to the Final 27 Novelistestants! Here’s what’s on tap for them on this week’s episode:

  • For the flash challenge, writers must produce compelling Tinder profiles without mentioning height, travel, hookups, yoga, tigers, or their favorite alcohol.
  • Contestants must begin writing their chapters at the very moment when Beyonce & Radiohead leak their double-album collaboration that the internet is totally losing its fucking mind over
  • Gevlin & Rophy come to fisticuffs over whether Ernest Hemingway or Norman Mailer was suppressing more latent homosexuality
  • Everyone’s pissed off that Special Guest Judge George R.R. Martin still hasn’t finished writing his critiques

Tonight on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST – 1.1.2015

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Special Guest Judge Toni Morrison
Special Guest Judge Toni Morrison

Television’s #1 literary-based quasi-documentary competition program rings in 2015 tonight at 9PM on The Network Channel! Here’s the table of contents for this week’s episode:

  • Contestants’ chapters must be written while Michiko Kakutani walks around the writers’ room looking over everyone’s shoulders
  • Marphaleene clashes with Jex over what the whale symbolizes in Free Willy
  • Zong-Chae ironically says “I’m not here to make friends!” (Not “ironically” in a sarcastic, winking-at-reality-TV-cliches way, but rather in the verbally ironic sense that deep down, Zong-Chae is extremely lonely, and is in fact here to make friends, but is too ashamed to admit it, and is only saying she’s not here to make friends because she frequently pushes potential friends away as a kind of preemptive defense mechanism.)
  • Special Guest Judge Toni Morrison sneaks out after realizing she’s not on Iron Chef America

Tonight on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST – Holiday Edition, 12.23.2014

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SkippingChristmasBecause of Christmas, this week’s episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST, which normally airs every Thursday at 9PM on The Network Channel, instead airs tonight at 10:30. Here’s what’s in store for our Novelistestants on ANTGAN’s Holiday Edition:

  • Contestants’ chapters must contain a flashback to a character’s past Holiday Celebration, without obviously being a thinly-veiled retelling of one of the writer’s own crappy Holiday Celebrations
  • Vishy wins Immunity, but trades it in a Yankee Swap for a blurb from Gillian Flynn
  • Pilantro and Dixelle’s debate about the True Meaning of Christmas results in three overturned tables and a severed earlobe
  • Kenson declares “There ain’t no American Christmas novels worth shit,” visibly offending Special Guest Judge John Grisham

Tonight on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST – 12.11.2014

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Special Guest Judge Thomas Pynchon
Special Guest Judge Thomas Pynchon

TV’s #1 writer-based competition program is AMERICA’S NEXT TOP GREAT AMERICAN NOVELIST, airing every Thursday at 9PM on The Network Channel! On tonight’s episode of ANTGAN:

  • Contestants’ chapters must be told from the POV of a character binge-watching Season 2 of UNDER THE DOME (Now available on Blu-ray & DVD).
  • Squandrelle and Fentworth’s fervent one-night stand leads to messy, pretentious attempts at erotica.
  • Alexica wins immunity but loses everyone’s respect when she calls Dan Brown “underrated.”
  • Special Guest Judge Thomas Pynchon performs Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” with his armpits.