FLAPPERHOUSE #8 Now on Sale!
Wendigos. Witches. Demons. Insects. P.J. Harvey. Purity. Parenthood. Patahistorians. Paraphernalia. Purgatory. Progress? Phosphorescent Skywriting: FLAPPERHOUSE #8.
PRINT copies available via
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$6US
digital (PDF) copies NOW AVAILABLE
$3US
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We apologize profusely for any inconvenience or delayed gratification.)
“The Witch These Days” – Poetry by E.H. Brogan

Should you care for one more taste of our supernaturally great Winter 2016 issue before it flies on December 22, here’s “The Witch These Days,” one of four enchanting poems by E.H. Brogan in FLAPPERHOUSE #8. And if you haven’t pre-ordered a digital copy of the issue already, you can click here to have it apparate into your emailbox by the Solstice.
(To hear a recording of E.H. reading the poem, check out the Soundcloud file below the text.)
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MORE AND MORE THE WITCH finds herself just wanting some
alone, no more villagers who pound down her door and pretend
they are friendly so she might do them favors, simple favors,
one single favor or a myriad, sometimes as little as her presence at
a bar she doesn’t want to go out to tonight, the aura of her blessing,
hot factor of her green-edged hair, power implied by her implied power, by
her being there. She could say nothing – but no one lets her, out in public,
ever. All she really wants to get done strangers stomp all over, stand in the way
of scooping litter, block progress on her newest painting, even her shortest,
partial tasks: ordering parchment notes and copying fresh spells down in
attempts at calligraphy, or script, a mark THAT she cares, or that she takes
her time, at least, she tries, within her cracking record Book.
But no one seems to understand her level, how absent
company does not mean company is needed. It sounds awful
boring to all of them, loneliness, those that live in the village.
Without others what could one be doing? Running
from you all, she mutters as she finally picks up
the phone, you know, the landline which for over
twenty minutes now has rung and kept
on ringing. What do you need?
{ X }
E.H. BROGAN is a graduate of the University of Delaware with a B.A. in English. You can read her poetry at places like Cider Press Review, Bop Dead City, FLAPPERHOUSE, the Sandy River Review, and Red Paint Hill. Soon, you’ll be able to read her prose in PRIMITIVE magazine. Her house is built of unread books. Tweet @wheresmsbrogan for more. You can listen to any or all of her previously published poems on Soundcloud here.
“FLAPPERHOUSE: A Love Song” – Poetry by the late Dorothy Parker
THERE’S VERY LITTLE LIT TODAY
that doesn’t make me grouse ;
the only zine I wish would stay
around is FLAPPERHOUSE
It’s weird and sexy, dark and funny,
free of sanctimony,
they pay their writers with real money,
not that “exposure” baloney.
If you’d like to show support, don’t wait–
act now and make it happen!
Visit FLAPPERHOUSE . com / DONATE
and help FLAPPERHOUSE keep flappin’
“Chapel of Sacred Mirrors” – Poetry by Joanna C. Valente

If you’re ravenous for a taste of FLAPPERHOUSE #8, check out “Chapel of Sacred Mirrors” below, one of five spellbinding poems by Joanna C. Valente in our forthcoming Winter 2016 issue.
To read the rest of Joanna’s contributions to our weird little zine, you could pre-order a digital (PDF) copy for $3US and it will fly into your emailbox by the Winter Solstice. And if you’ll be in the NYC area on January 6, you can come see Joanna read some of her work, along with many other very flappy writers, at FLAPPERHOUSE Reading #5 / Issue #8 Flight Party!
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WHEN YOU ARE FOUR YEARS OLD, you still fit in the crawl
spaces of your first house and feel the world as too big
and long for a lack of space, an end to absence
like the glue sticks that never stick the red heart
to the white letter paper from a forest
that doesn’t exist and no one worries about
where bears skin old women alive before
lighting candles pink as their necks
before the sounds they make being shoved
against a wall, choking—a violin underwater
all alone like a body is a letter you rip
open—neither look pretty when you rip its seams
apart, find clumps like hair inside a medicine
bottle with random letters smudged off
by touch—can’t remember whose, doesn’t
matter because I’m drunk and there’s nothing
inside my body to hear except swans
eating the hearts of their mates after they make
love, mistaking veins for birthday candles
on top of cakes dreamt up by humans who still
love each other—if they realized their eventual
fate is to be dead forever, would they even
bother to begin with?
{ X }
JOANNA C. VALENTE is sometimes a mermaid and sometimes a human. She is the author of Sirs & Madams (Aldrich Press, 2014) and The Gods Are Dead (Deadly Chaps Press), and received her MFA at Sarah Lawrence College. Her collection Marys of the Sea is forthcoming from ELJ Publications in 2016. Some of her work appears in The Huffington Post, Columbia Journal, The Atlas Review, The Destroyer, among others. In 2011, she received the American Society of Poet’s Prize. She edits Yes, Poetry, and is the Managing Editor for Luna Luna Magazine.
FLAPPERHOUSE Reading #5 / Issue #8 Flight Party
Come experience a post-Solstice epiphany & join us as we celebrate the flight of our 8th issue with our 5th reading on 3 Kings’ day– that’s WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6 from 7 to 9 PM at Pacific Standard, 82 Fourth Avenue in Brooklyn.
Starring B. DIEHL, SHAWN FRAZIER, ALIBI JONES, RON KOLM, J.E. REICH, JON SAVAGE, BUD SMITH, JOANNA C. VALENTE, and the late FRANZ KAFKA.
“The Golden Hour” – Fiction by K.A. Liedel

Time comes to an end, yet the world goes on in K.A. Liedel’s wonderfully strange & poetic short story “The Golden Hour,” the grand finale of our Fall 2015 issue.
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I ALREADY HAVE THE PINK FLAMINGOS and the gnomes, of course, plus the red-hatted jockey holding the lamp. Even the nana bent over her invisible garden with the fluffy white bloomers, the balsa one that practically glows under its shellack of dollar-store paint.
But there’s so much more out there yet. The figurines and birdhouses and whirligigs you can’t find anywhere else, born from the guts of their corner colonial, from its basement maybe. Outside its rippling flags are in every goddamn color from the Pantone wheel and the ornaments crowd around the lawn in a diorama of misshapen plasticine. You know the place, you know its pure topographical schlock. Those are the ones. My own personal MacGuffins.
Call it whatever but don’t call it looting. I’m liberating them is what I’m doing. I’ve a damned finer destiny planned for them than their owners could ever dream. They’re gonna outlast the world that birthed them, as a vista of ugly rainbow polyptychs that’ll accompany my life into its eternal pause. My tacky, technicolor ushabtiu.
But let’s pause for a moment. Thinking back, all of this, this madness, started with a mere phrase. Temporal decay. There were others, too, just as vaguely terrifying. Prisoners of deterioration was a particularly graphic, albeit inelegant, one. Like a rejected Lovecraft title. And can’t forget UFOTU – that’s Ultimate Fate Of The Universe. Where would doomsday science be without its acronyms and scare quotes? They led off every newscast for a month, peppered between sports and stocks and weather, until the idea that time was dying became the first thing that slithered over the anchors’ lips and then soon the only thing that got out. It had erased the existence of all other events, slowly and silently, just as it was doing to life itself. Couldn’t be measured, couldn’t be seen. The skeptics barked about those last parts but we all knew it. The consensus was never spoken of much but it was inside us, that old, proverbial sinking feeling that can’t be quantified in a scholarly journal. Billions of people living their life under a crushing anxiety that soon grew into a vague sense of total, utter doom.
It wasn’t quite real for me, though, until I saw the president himself, shoulders up so far as to be around his ears. He was staring back at us through the TV in that same damn pose all his predecessors had assumed when some tragedy or crisis made society freeze in its place for a day or two to fret and mourn and look to the heavens, waiting for our frazzled nerves to be soothed by some suit who won just the right amount of swing states. On every single channel, even the local car lot show, even the golf coverage, even the Korean soap operas. That’s when I knew, there wasn’t gonna be a fix. No vaccine, no laser, no team of astronauts led by Bruce Willis, no nothing.
I’m not sure what everyone else felt at that moment, maybe they were reassured on some level, maybe bought wholesale into the pledges and promises. But me? I was just scared. He uttered that phrase – there it was again, temporal decay – three or four times in the first minute of his speech, and suddenly, I felt it. Fear. A real fear. Like your heart strangling your stomach. It was really happening. Time was dying, slowly but surely, crawling through the desert on its sand-scraped knees, a wanderer blindly rejecting its doom even as it fossilizes. That’s how I imagined it all going down. And we, us poor humans, would be stuck on its dry old bones like parched bugs, like the peeled-off sarcophagi of dumb, noisy cicadas, undying and immovable but still alive somehow, helpless in our stasis. Continue reading “The Golden Hour” – Fiction by K.A. Liedel
“Armed & Fabulous!” – Fiction by David X. Wiggin

It’s a sick, sad world we live in, friends, and violence & grief are hotter than ever this season– just like in “Armed & Fabulous!”, David X. Wiggin‘s brutally satirical short story from our Fall 2015 issue.
{ X }
LAST YEAR’S TREND WAS THE DEADLIEST IN DECADES, transforming the fashion world from a familiar Sodom into a post-apocalyptic nightmare, littering the runways with corpses and earning Madison Avenue the title of “most dangerous street in America.”
It began with the brutal murder of supermodel Alison Abigail. One sweltering July evening, the nineteen-year-old Calvin Klein model went clubbing with her friends, her honey-colored hairs twined in those famous pigtails. According to reports, she left Club Gonzo shortly after 2 A.M. on the arm of an unknown man. Her disappearance, a national tragedy, became national trauma when her mutilated body was found floating in the Hudson two weeks later, pigtails chopped off. Right away people blamed the industry. Alison was branded a martyr in nearly every circuit of the media. Shows were picketed. Bottles of the perfume she represented were shattered on the street outside the Calvin Klein offices.
While its tasteful battlements shook from the onslaught of a hysterical country, the fashion world was being torn apart from within. Models withdrew from the public sphere for fear of the uncaptured killer. A popular designer quit the business altogether out of remorse. Nearly a third of the clothes designed that year were black.
Eventually the one-year anniversary of Alison’s death rolled around. In a move of brilliant marketing, crass Calvin Klein produced the Alison Abigail Memorial Fragrance. This perfume did not tingle with the gentle scent of flowers or fizzle with the electric dry smell of the sea. It burned and blasted like wrathful mace. It was in fact wrathful mace stored in a heavy steel spray-flask, itself a suitable accessory for bashing in the head of a blinded mugger. First produced only in limited edition quantities, the Alison Abigail Memorial Fragrance was a surprise hit. Sentimental fashionistas swept them off the shelves and wore them on chains or clipped to their belts. It didn’t matter that the flasks were heavy and hideous—everyone was proud to wear them. They provided a sense of solidarity and empowerment. Here was an item both chic and deadly. And because the A.A.M. Fragrance was technically a perfume, it was perfectly legal.
Not to be outdone, Donna Karan produced a silver commemorative dagger. A good three inches longer than the legal limit, the curved blade was designed by a famous silversmith and inscribed in delicate cursive with the banal phrase: “NEVER AGAIN.” It was the sort of tasteless knick-knack you’d see at the Alamo—only these knick-knacks were sharp enough to castrate a horse. The day after the dagger went on the market, stabbings in New York City quintupled.
Continue reading “Armed & Fabulous!” – Fiction by David X. Wiggin
A Third Excerpt from Nothing Granted – Poetry by Anna Meister

Our Fall 2015 issue contains three excerpts from Anna Meister‘s outstanding poetry series Nothing Granted. We’ve posted two of those poems earlier this season and today we’re very flappy to present the third one below.
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ANGELS FALL UNDER IT see them bend without necks hear them beg
light swallow the itch to scratch catch myself rawer than meat
the shaking after sip that transforms a body I could keep
drowning all these fantasies packaged I could wear blood
would they all come true like apples I try to sit & pray praise
in due time what might come without whatever name god
make me secure hands of little make me pine fuck the drowning
takes too long you don’t have to dream my body is bald & fingered
by you need help call all the cool cold hands I am tired
of the guilty swallow so greedy I feel here is my throat
working teeth marks everywhere I go grant me wrath a cliff
wouldn’t change I’m leaving anything I could come home
sober for somewhere between a room filled with smoke
& commitment I stay lifted naked girl almost recognizable
{ X }
ANNA MEISTER is an MFA candidate in Poetry at New York University, where she serves as a Goldwater Writing Fellow. A Pushcart Prize & Best of the Net nominee, her poems are forthcoming in Powder Keg, Whiskey Island, Barrelhouse, The Mackinac, & elsewhere. Anna is a 2015 Saltonstall Foundation for the Arts Fellow. She lives & works in Brooklyn.
“My Wet” – Poetry by Adam Tedesco & Juliet Cook

The fantastically feral “My Wet” is one of two twisted poems by Adam Tedesco & Juliet Cook in our Fall 2015 issue.
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SEWER RATS ARE ON THE DECLINE
Living a rough life on the ranch
In the boots of wannabes
They wait for a god to ask them to kill
The incense is lit
Pressure cooker
Plugged into my brain
Snapped into a trap
We smoke ropes of dead rat
Watch mutilation through stolen telescopes
Get high on their killing
Wet ourselves in a blood embrace
The rat that hears the voice
Appears no different
Walks a simple path
Like submission, a gift
Whether he ends it or I end it
I’m the one who stops existing
{ X }
ADAM TEDESCO has worked as a shipbuilder, a meditation instructor, and cultural critic for the now disbanded Maoist Internationalist Movement. He conducts the ConversexInverse interview series and analyzes dreams for the online literary journal Drunk In A Midnight Choir. His recent work has appeared or is forthcoming in Similar:Peaks::, pioneertown, Funhouse, Cosmonauts Avenue, and elsewhere.
{ X }
JULIET COOK is a grotesque glitter witch medusa hybrid brimming with black, grey, silver, purple, & red explosions. Her poetry has appeared in Ghost Proposal, H_NGM_N, ILK, and Menacing Hedge. She is the author of more than 13 poetry chapbooks, including POISONOUS BEAUTYSKULL LOLLIPOP (Grey Book Press, 2013), RED DEMOLITION (Shirt Pocket Press, 2014) and a collaboration with Robert Cole, MUTANT NEURON CODEX SWARM (Hyacinth Girl Press, 2015). A collaborative chapbook with j/j hastain, Dive Back Down, is forthcoming from Dancing Girl Press. Her first full-length poetry book was Horrific Confection (BlazeVOX, 2008). Her second, Malformed Confetti, is forthcoming from Crisis Chronicles Press. www.JulietCook.weebly.com.



